Once upon a time on television there was a wonderfully inept band of soldiers known as the F troop, a cavalry crew that if memory serves correct had a hard time putting their saddles on their horses let alone head off to mete out justice.
Well fast forward a fourty years in real time and a century or so in the ages of the world and we have a new F troop, two battalions led by equally inept leaders vying for the title of most likely to ruin a pretty good thing.
For the Bettman Battalion and the Goodenow Group a few choice F words
Farcial-- The definitive word for the last week of "negotiations", for that is what the last week has brought to all hockey fans, the on again, off again season. The secretive meetings apparently only to deliver sound clips of inactivity and a final bit of proof that the league is indeed on a suicidal course.
Fabrications--Is anybody telling the truth here? the sniping from both sides in this silly little high school cat fight, do we really care anymore about Bob and Gary's dueling press releases
Facile--How hard can it be to cut up a couple of billion dollars among 30 teams and roughly 700 players?
Factions--League against union, Owner against owner or player against player, before we see hockey again there will be some serious infighting on all fronts.
Fantasy-- The world that both players and owners live in if they think losing 18 months is going to make their league a marketable product.
Facade--What both sides put out to the public as the ball of wool began to unravel, tough talking from the principal combatants now poisons the well for the foreseeable future.
Face off--Normally what we see at the start of a game, instead it's the definition of confrontation.
Fact checkers--Needed at the Hockey News immediately.
Fascism--the style that both sides seemed to base their control on. Owners were reined in by Bettman, the players slapped down by Goodenow. Democracy apparently has no place in the worlds of the NHL and NHLPA.
Failures--Neither side has been served well by its leaders, an inability to look past the impasse and realize how much damage they have done to their business will haunt them for many years.
Fans--Never factored into this debate.
Fatigue--the condition the fans find themselves in after being led down the path one time to many.
Fat Heads--no need to explain further!
Fade to Black--The state of television sports in Canada for the next three months until the CFL thankfully returns to our screens. Over at TSN and Sportsnet one wonders just how many dog shows can be found to fill a schedule.
Fickle--how most American hockey fans feel about the sport, out of sight and out of mind will be the way of the NHL now below most of the 49th.
Fired--Can we rent Donald Trump for a night, Donny baby, give Gary and Bob a call and send them the love! Say the words Mr. Trump, say the words!
Fix-It--The plaintive plea of hockey fans everywhere.
Floaters--the career status of Bob and Gary.
Football--CFL training camps open up in May!
Foreclose--How many banks will foreclose on NHL franchises in the next few years?
Forgotten--The state which the NHL and NHLPA will find themselves in as they travel their mutually determined course of irrelevance.
Fodder-- A joke writers dream, the NHL managed to finally make the big time, Jay Leno, David Letterman and Jon Stewart all mentioned the sport in their shows last week, sadly the mocking tones continue to ring in a hockey fans ears.
Frustration-- Where hockey fans find themselves after a roller coaster week of hopeful belief sent crashing into final despair.
Funeral Directors--Suggested hiring pool for next league commissioner and NHLPA president.
Futility-- The feeling that hockey fans everywhere have, mere spectators to a fight which they knew would eventually end in doom.
Future--Not anytime soon.
Fumigate--What needs to be done to get the stench of this failure away from us.